Sunday, November 28, 2004

Life is such a Paradox

We are like sculptors, constantly carving out of others the image we long for, need, love or desire, often against reality, against their benefit, and always, in the end, a disappointment, because it does not fit them.  

Anais Nin
US (French-born) author & diarist (1903 - 1977)

We don't see things as they are, we see things as we are.

Anais Nin
US (French-born) author & diarist (1903 - 1977)


These quotes are reminder to parents. Parents are sculptors. They carve their children's images. They try to teach their children norms, values, virtues and other good things to know hoping that these children will grow to be good, solid people. Parents often get disappointed with their children because their children grow into people that their parents did not expect them to be.

One of the hardest thing for a parent to realize, especially the mother, is children can not be molded in their likeness (they have minds of their own) and that there is a thin line between parenthood (motherhood) and co-dependency. It is normal to wish your children success in life, to dream that they will be professionals someday, and to be protective of them when it is warranted but it is not normal to live vicariously through them and be disappointed when they do not meet your high expectations. Knowing when to let go of them and when to hold them is easier said than done but it can be done.

Children should be able to make their own mistakes and be able to learn from them. Micro-managing children make them co-dependent.  It makes them afraid to make decisions because a lot of the decisions in the past had been taken care of for them. Parents should know when to start making their children responsible for their judgment.

Children should be able to pursue their dreams with their parents' support and blessings ( So what if they change their minds every month? Be supportive. Tell them to reach for the stars and be all they can be!). Most parents dream of having a doctor or a lawyer in the family. Alas, not a lot of children want to be a doctor or a lawyer anymore. Some want to be engineers and others want to be animated movie producers. Just tell them be the best engineers or producers they could be. If your children did not turn out the way you want them to be, love them anyway. They need it and if you can be honest to yourself, you know you need to love them and you need their love too.

*****What about the picture? It does not make sense, you say. What does raising children have to do with a lake and tree canopies? Nothing. Yup, it has nothing to do with my entry above. My husband took it last week when he was in Lawton, Oklahoma. He loves to fish and take pictures of places he visits. He is a road warrior. This picture reflects my husband's interests as well as his personality.  That is another journal entry, so I will leave you to ponder on what I mean by that.***



judithheartsong said...

you write beautifully dcmeyer.......... I am honored to be here. judi

pgfl33955 said...

I've always maintained that we don't own our children. We are merely the vessel through which God has chosen to bring them into this world. We are their guardians, their protectors until they leave the nest.

Today, it is much harder to let them go out on their own to learn the lessons we learned, but let them go we must or they will see us as hindrances.

There is a saying: Let Go and Let God....Ten years ago, I had three teens - 19, 17, and 15. Now they are three young adults, 29, 27, and 25. They've had their ups and they've experienced the downs.

You have a beautiful journal.