Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Growing Old Gracefully


To get back my youth I would do anything in the world , except take exercise, get up early , or be respectable.
Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray


The Benefits of Growing Older

1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

2. In a hostage situation, you are likely to be released first.

3. It's harder and harder for sexual harassment charges to stick.

4. No one expects you to run into a burning building.

5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

6. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

7. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the National Weather Service.

8. There's nothing left to learn the hard way.

9. Things you buy now won't wear out.

10. You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.

11. You get into a heated argument about pension plans.

12. You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.

13. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

14. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.

15. You sing along with elevator music.

16. Your eyes won't get much worse.

17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.


sieblonde said...

are we having fun yet?  i forget.

tendernoggle said...

I loved this entry!!!! soooooooo true!!! lol

ibspiccoli4life said...

Thanks for the laughs. This was great. I'll have to send it to my mom! LOL


mom23nca said...

Very funny!

hadonfield78 said...

Those were exzcellent, and so true.
My wife can always tell in the morning when I wake up, cause after I get out of bed and start walking, my knees crack and pop.
It is Hell getting old.

jcole16757 said...

Funny list! :)

samnsmile5 said...

Okay...this is funny!  But are they benefits?  I'm not so sure...I don't want to get old.  :)
Michele  http://journals.aol.com/samnsmile5/lettingitallsinkin

deveil said...

these are cute!  Hope your having a beautiful day.


hope5555 said...

Hee hee! I loved these!

bigred3392 said...

lol!! I enjoyed that :)

cyndygee said...

Your kids are old enough to have kids AND there's nothing grander than being  a grandparent.  You really do get to have fun with the kids and when they're tired and cranky . . .   "Bill, your daughters need you!!"  LOL

That is so true about holding your tummy in.  It just falls by the wayside . . . literally!


chatzeekay said...

oh to cute saying hello my journal on the fritz

jtuwliens said...

I've been quietly reading for awhile, waiting for the right moment to respond.  Yes, this is the right time...  but...  ummm...  errrr...  but I forgot what I was going to write....  Oh yeah, Oscar Wilde is one of my favorites, and The Benefits of Growing Older is a knee-slapper (not my knee, mind you, don't want to hurt myself).  Finally, I feel validated!

Thank you for your kind words in my journal.  Enjoy your beautiful day.

deabvt said...

Ain`t that the truth!  [smiles]

karensull12 said...

Too funny (and a little bit sad!)

xxpinkpixe said...

~Very~ Cute Journal You Have! Way To Go! Very Creative I Like It Alot. I Just Started My Own Not To Long Ago...Plz Post Coments If You View Thank You So Much!

justaname4me2 said...

Oh I loved those. Especially number 8, that must mean there is an end to the middle  :o) Thank you for the smiles this morning!

dakotarose2852 said...

These are all very funny, but I especially like #17.  Sadly, they are also very true!  Susan

tschamberland said...

This one I love!  

And just a side note to your question..yes, it's the new Grisham, and I don't buy them in hardback either.  Borrowed this one from my boss' husband, he keeps me in reading material.   Likewise, you will be put on my alerts