Floridians in Big Apple

"Certainly, travel is more than seeing of sights; it is a change that goes on, deep and permanent, in the ideas of living."                         ~Miriam Beard  

 

 

"Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts. Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one's lifetime."
--Mark Twain, The Innocents Abroad (1869)

 

 

AOL's add-an-entry feature does not work well this morning. It will not let me change font color. No time to whine to Joe (AOL Journal Editor and techie god). We are headed to NYC and there is a public transport strike. But NOTHING can dampen my spirits. I am beside myself and looking forward to my first trip to the Big Apple.

I will try to download pics and what nots while I am there.

My mother-in-law's advice: "Make sure the kids have their shoes on.  Don't pack their bib overalls."

Happy Holidays to everyone! 

Simpler Holidays

Change has a considerable psychological impact on the human mind. To the fearful it is threatening because it means that things may get worse. To the hopeful it is encouraging because things may get better. To the confident it is inspiring because the challenge exists to make things better.

-King Whitney Jr

 

Our kids have grown and the gift giving mode in our household changed this year. Instead of buying expensive gifts for each other, we bought tickets for the family to go to New York City. We’re spending our Christmas holiday there.

 

Christmas is just so commercialized now-a-days and the older the kids get, the heftier are the price tags for the gifts they want. We put our foot down and decreed that we will make memories this year instead of subscribing to materialism full on. Instead of buying each other gifts, we wrote a check to help Red Cross on its ongoing hurricane drives and donated some to USO to help deployed young military people pay for their airfares.

 

Thorstein Veblen was right on track about his conspicuous consumption theory. We are ashamed to admit that wewere once caught in the waves of consumerism and technological ostentation. We went to the department stores/malls and braved the holiday crowds to get that perfect gift for each other. We spent so much money on things that did not even give us joy after a week of having it.

 

This is not a change of philosophy because of necessity. We are at the point in our lives where we can go out and get what we want if we want to. We  reflected on past Christmases we’ve had that were centered on the material bounty and we want to take a step towards what we hope is a higher plane. We still want gifts but we want those from the heart. 

 

This year, we will try to celebrate Christmas’ real meaning: sharing, giving, and togetherness. We will make memories to be treasured for eternity. We hope our kids will take their children on vacations at familiar places and say, “Your grandfather and grandmother took us here and we did this.” Each of us is giving each other the gift of time so we can share a memory-making adventure together.

 

For friends and families: we bought consumables, baked cookies, made personal gifts and we’ll be visiting some. For our nephews and nieces: we got them gift cards from their favorite stores. Yes, that is all we are going to do this year. It is actually liberating to do away with all the holiday spending. We look at people who are frantically searching for that perfect store bought gift for that special someone and feel sadness welling in us. We were once those people.  

 

 

Happy Holidays!

Kids Made Me Do It!

“You can tell that it's infatuation when you think that he's as sexy as Paul Newman, as athletic as Pete Rose, as selfless and dedicated as Ralph Nader, as smart as John Kenneth Galbraith and as funny as Don Rickles. You can be reasonably sure that it's love when you realize he's actually about as sexy as Don Rickles, as athletic as Ralph Nader, as smart as Pete Rose, as funny as John Kenneth Galbraith and doesn't resemble Paul Newman in any way--but you'll stick with him anyway."

 -Judith Viorst

 

My teenagers are constantly falling in and out of  “love.”  I just have to keep my mouth shut though I am tempted to say, “You do not know what love means, kid!”

 

Does anybody really knows what love means? Isn’t it one of those emotions that only the “lover” could define? My definition of love may not be yours kind of thing?

 

I believe that most love begins with infatuation. Love is not blind, infatuation is. When you are infatuated, you only see the positives and your blinders filter the negatives.  Then the biochemical induced high of infatuation fades and reality strikes. Suddenly he is not that great anymore. He has a funny way of chewing his food. He isa miser. He is not as brilliant as you thought he was. This is when a lot of couples that thought they are “in love” start arguing. That very smile that made you smitten as a kitten now annoys the beJesus out of you. This is the transitional phase where infatuation may turn into a break-up or love.

 

A lot of people succumb to infatuation addiction. They break up with their partners when the rush of dopamine is depleted. They want to experience that high again and again so they have series of short-term relationships. They are no better than drug addicts because they are chemically dependent too. The only difference is that they do not have to pay for it because their bodies manufacture the chemicals. Some would say that these people are addicted to love. They are not.  They are addicted to the biological chemicals induced by infatuation.       

 

Love is the more mature and reality based by-product of infatuation. You see the positive as well as the negative traits of your partner but you keep them around anyway. You look at the whole package and decide that nobody is perfect and you will take him as is. It does not mean you will not nag him into changing but after a while you will just give in and rationalize the flaw as a character enhancement feature. There’re days that you will question your sanity because you find his double chin “cute” and his burgeoning middle “sexy.” Love is not blind: its sight is 20/20. Love is crazy: it consciously accepts, challenges, and defies reality.    

 

***THE OPINION EXPRESSED ABOVE IS THAT OF THE AUTHOR’S.  FEEL FREE TO DISCUSS YOUR OWN TAKE ON THIS SUBJECT***

Time Flies!

                                Happy 15th Birthday, J!

                                             

Smiley Faced Genius

 

Almond shaped brown eyes

Full of mischief

Freckled smiling face

Sometimes goofy

Happy and young

Seemingly shallow

You surprise everyone

With intrepid wisdom

 

 

 

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Bittersweet Memory

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love." 

~ Neil Gaiman, as Rose Walker in Sandman #65

 

The passage above reminded me of my disenchantment with love long time ago. I hated love for a few years but a special man saved me from living the rest of my life as an old and bitter spinster. 

 

When I was young, my boyfriend cheated on me with my best friend. I walked away from both of them. I chose not to be a part their drama and refused to see them everagain. I was bitter for a while and it took a lot for another man to convince me that I will not be betrayed again.

 

My friends voiced concerns about my "man hating" tendencies. I told them I did not hate men; I just did not need unnecessary distractions at that moment. I was in denial. I did not withdraw from love but I approached it with Machiavellian bravado for self- protection. I kept men at arms length and scrutinized their intention to the minute detail. I feigned disinterest in their lives so I will not get attached. It took a while for me to be comfortable in a relationship. I dumped them or gave them cold shoulder as soon as I started liking them. I took care of not getting hurt again by being cynical. Only a few men with remarkable patience stayed around but not for long. I always succeeded in driving them away. Some of them thought I was vicious and heartless. I was even called "Ice Princess" and "Dragon Lady."

 

One person saw through my facade and challenged me to seek closure. "Someone hurt you real bad, huh? I know there is a wonderful person lurking behind that smirking face," he said one day. I employed my best defense mechanisms on him but he was persistent. The more I spurned him, the more insistent he became. He told me he was not going away until I showed my true color. Then one day, my annoyance turned into admiration of this man's tenacity.  I told him about my experience with loving someone. He told me not all men are the same. He said he had experienced similar betrayal. He helped me dismantle the wall I surrounded myself for a long time. He showed me that I do not have to hate love. 

 

           

                                                                  Single Lily with Red Note Card- Georgia O'Keeffe 

 

Gobble, gobble...

Happy Thanksgiving!

Sad But Wonderful

                                     

                              

 I spent a wonderful evening crying my eyes out. Sad, but what an awesome and well-deserved night!

I went to the showing of the Broadway production of Miss Saigon last night with the whole family. I should had been a little more unemotional because I have seen the play before. I guess knowing the story line did not make me more objective but set me up and cued me when to reach out for the Kleenex in my purse.   At first, I debated on the whether I should get a ticket for my teenage son because of the adult content/language and violence portrayed in the play. Then, I decided, he might as well see the dark side of humanity through someone's creative endeavour. He is very active in the local theatre so he has a clear sense of what is real and what is art. He came out of it unscathed and without a need for a shrink. He enjoyed the play tremendously.   My daughter was with us and I can proudly say that she is mine. She is a crybaby just like me. She said, "It makes me real emotional to hear someone who can sing beautifully."  I know it was more than that, the child gets lost in a play and becomes the heroine and feels for her. I know the feeling. I've been Kim, Cosette, Stella, Grizabella and so many others. I'm talking in theatre only. I dispose of my split personality after leaving the theatre's portal.   Ah, the hubby's reaction. This I can write a book about. He is a typical man. He feigns distaste and disinterest in art in fear of being seen as effeminate. He hides behind macho critiques of the play and pokes fun on the overdressed/pretentious theatregoers. Behind the facade, his wife could see a manly man who enjoys the performing arts.   The family needed this night out after the trauma of the weeks past. We even brought out some of our dysfunction in the car on the way home. Once again, our love for each other won out and we were better people when we kissed each other goodnight.