Thursday, December 8, 2005

Kids Made Me Do It!

“You can tell that it's infatuation when you think that he's as sexy as Paul Newman, as athletic as Pete Rose, as selfless and dedicated as Ralph Nader, as smart as John Kenneth Galbraith and as funny as Don Rickles. You can be reasonably sure that it's love when you realize he's actually about as sexy as Don Rickles, as athletic as Ralph Nader, as smart as Pete Rose, as funny as John Kenneth Galbraith and doesn't resemble Paul Newman in any way--but you'll stick with him anyway."

 -Judith Viorst


My teenagers are constantly falling in and out of  “love.”  I just have to keep my mouth shut though I am tempted to say, “You do not know what love means, kid!”


Does anybody really knows what love means? Isn’t it one of those emotions that only the “lover” could define? My definition of love may not be yours kind of thing?


I believe that most love begins with infatuation. Love is not blind, infatuation is. When you are infatuated, you only see the positives and your blinders filter the negatives.  Then the biochemical induced high of infatuation fades and reality strikes. Suddenly he is not that great anymore. He has a funny way of chewing his food. He isa miser. He is not as brilliant as you thought he was. This is when a lot of couples that thought they are “in love” start arguing. That very smile that made you smitten as a kitten now annoys the beJesus out of you. This is the transitional phase where infatuation may turn into a break-up or love.


A lot of people succumb to infatuation addiction. They break up with their partners when the rush of dopamine is depleted. They want to experience that high again and again so they have series of short-term relationships. They are no better than drug addicts because they are chemically dependent too. The only difference is that they do not have to pay for it because their bodies manufacture the chemicals. Some would say that these people are addicted to love. They are not.  They are addicted to the biological chemicals induced by infatuation.       


Love is the more mature and reality based by-product of infatuation. You see the positive as well as the negative traits of your partner but you keep them around anyway. You look at the whole package and decide that nobody is perfect and you will take him as is. It does not mean you will not nag him into changing but after a while you will just give in and rationalize the flaw as a character enhancement feature. There’re days that you will question your sanity because you find his double chin “cute” and his burgeoning middle “sexy.” Love is not blind: its sight is 20/20. Love is crazy: it consciously accepts, challenges, and defies reality.    




my78novata said...

OH i totally agree and I havebeen fussing that these love storeis that come out and stuff that kids watch are making htem think love it jus this fairy tale thing htat happens this wonderful awstruck hot got to have you kind of thing. YEAH well  its not and as my husband says LOVE Is a decision not an emotion or feeling becuase if it was an emotion there are days I d leave him lol LOL OLOLOL L

derasta said...

This is a great entry! You are one smart cookie to figure this out :)

ryanagi said...

Yep. I pretty much agree with your assessment. But I'll go a bit further and say I don't believe love can grow unless friendship forms during that infatuation phase. If your significant other doesn't become one of your best friends, I think the relationship is pretty much doomed to misery.

tendernoggle said...

luv ya,

tillysweetchops said...

What an excellent entry. The quote was brilliant and the points you make about infatuation and love are so very true. In-Love with being In-Love has proved the death knell to many a relationship!

Tilly x

ally123130585918 said...

Lovely entry - enjoyed reading it -  I often wondered what Love was - now I

dotcomdiva831 said...

This was indeed a very interesting entry and a very good question because if you ask 10 people they all would have 10 different answers...


boiseladie said...

Boy, my 16 year old son is sure been hit strong by the love bug.  I tell him, he's too young to be so serious.  They broke up about three weeks ago, and he's having such a hard time.  It's hard and very sad to watch your baby go through so much pain and heart ache.  Love, sometimes it really hurts.

barbpinion said...

Smiling here, reading how your kids fall in and out of love so often. Brings back memories of my children & a few of my neices and nephews. Sorry I have not been by. I'm only getting some alerts, not all. Finally figured out I have missed a lot of people, unintentionally. SOOOO< here I am. Took time to hunt up the ones I missed.
Happy Holidays to you and your family.
Love you

queeniemart said...

I love this entry....i agree with it. I love my husband but he has put me thru the wringer beyond belief in 15 yrs...would i divorce him for a richer, younger, sexier version? nope. Too much time, kids, caring and friendship. People can be so impeteous and do rash things, like my ex husband did after 2 yrs of marriage. Then they will spend the rest of their lives regretting it.
My 17 yr old daughter is in love for the 1st time of her life. I acted exactly like she is acting at the exact age. Very strange thing to watch happen.
Hugs, lisa jo

tschamberland said...

So true.  Sad, yes, but true.