- The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
Valentine’s Day Tribute
An open letter to my Hubby:
Twenty years went fast. I can still remember our newlywed days. All the late night talks. The parties on the roof in Philadelphia complete with our friends and numerous boxes of wines and snap together goblets from the convenience store. The Live Aid and Bon Jovi concerts. The walks on the most dangerous park in the US. The trips to New Jersey. The breakfast foods for every meal because I did not know how to cook. Our only earthly possessions: a mattress, an electric fan, a 16 inch black and white TV, couple of pots and pans, and lots of disposable silverwares. Numerous pool halls, dance clubs, concert halls and sporting events. Ahhh, the baseball and football events, where you and your friends were busy with game stats, beers, and hotdogs and Ann and I were busy with players’ tight pants, beers, and hotdogs. Moving to Florida and having to split a mini Uhaul with another couple because we did not own a lot of things worth keeping.
You made fun of my uber trendiness and I gave up my funky hairstyles for your cowboy hat and boots. You taught me howto play pool while I explained that, “it’s all physics.” You schooled me in rock music while I dragged to you ballets, operas and Broadway shows. I went to your monster truck rallies and hunting expos in exchange for my trips to art museums, antique shows, vintage stores, and flea markets. I sat through your war and science fiction themed movies and you sat through my chick flicks and foreign films. You reacquianted me with nature and we camped, fished, and walked on many trails and sandy beaches eversince. I coaxed you out of your shell and you have not stopped talking and making me laugh for twenty something years. We were almost the polar opposites in many ways but we respected each others’ values and beliefs and gave each other what we desperately need.
We always talk about us being lucky. We’ve seen our friends divorced over fight about money, jealousy, and other reasons. We sat dumbfounded when another friend find his/her way on our sofa enroute to a messy divorce because we did not understand how such trivial reasons could lead to the demise of once a wonderful relationship. We were their therapists, the two who seem to have the “marriage thing” together. Little that they know, we were clueless about what was making our marriage work but the bottom line was that we love each other so much we sort of took the blows and talked them out. We’ve witnessed our friends go in massive debts and live a life haunted by bill collectors. They thought we got the secret to financial success. We did not. We learned how to live a simple life and spend our money on what we value: our children’s education, vacations, and eating out at our favorite restaurants. We chose to squander our finances to make memories and induce togetherness. We made a choice not to be burdened by other trappings of life: the big mortgage, the fancy car payments, and humongous credit card bills. We noticed our friends holding grudges and dragging a bad situation longer than they should. Our jaws dropped when they did not seem to let go of insignificant events and carried on a power struggle with their partners forever. We once thought we must be so lame because we said, “I am sorry” to each other numerous times. We wondered about our ability to move on and made jokes about the inconsequential things we fought about. We laughed about our inadequacies and made fun of each other’s weaknesses without malice. We matured together and saw our friends self destruct. We felt very lucky not to be touched by such miserable conditions. Now I know that we were not lucky. We both worked hard to stay together and chose to face and resolve difficult issues together. It was you and me against the world and we won, and we are still winning. There is no secret to our staying power. We lived our motto: Live well. Laugh often. Love much.
I am grateful for your presence in my life. I love you for who you are and who you are becoming. Happy Valentine's Day!