I have not added an entry in a few days. Life had been a little busy. I was not able to go to the beach until today and I only went there because my son had to do a photo essay. He chose Edgar Allan Poe's, Annabel Lee, so he wanted some seaside pictures. We went to Pensacola Beach and he took some picture of the ocean and I did too. This little outing was wonderful because we had a chance to talk at length. He is still "bummed" by the fact that he did not get the lead role at the upcoming play at his school. He got the understudy for it and a guitar/vocal solo. Not good enough for my ambitious son. I had to tell him that he have to move on to more important stuff because he had been sulking about this lost role for a couple of days now. I love my talks with my son. He is still at that age where he is very honest about everything. I will miss our talks when he stops telling me about his disappointments, hopes and fears.
My daughter is home with a couple of college friends. They all have a long weekend off from school because of the Martin Luther King's holiday tomorrow. It is hard not to play Mom to all these kids because I know that they look like adults on the outside but they are really kids on the inside. All of them graduated from highschool last year. Last semester was their first time away from their families and their homes. My daughter tells me that I "baby" her friends. I admit to that. I do become a very hospitable host to her friends because I like these kids. They seem to have their heads where they are supposed to be. They are very intelligent and respectful. I am pretty sure that they have wild, rambunctious sides but they respect my home and my values when they are visiting. I love hearing them laugh and see them joking around.
I like it that my daughter seems to be happy and have healthy relationships but I miss our time alone. She always have someone in tow when she comes around. I miss the days when we can talk about everything and anything. I understand that she is at the age where her peers are very important to her and I often scold myself for feeling left out in her life. I know she needed me at a different level now but I can't help but reminisce about the days whenI am her sole confidante.
My children grew up and my role in their lives changed. It was hard for me in the beginning to shift gears. I kept hearing my inner voice say, "But it is so comfortable taking care of all your needs. I want to be your hero. I want to save your day. I don't like being relegated to a guardian angel status. I want to do it all for you!" I am learning how to keep that inner voice calm and quiet now. I am acquiring another one who seems to be older and wiser. "You are not letting them go, you are letting them grow," it says.