Monday, August 1, 2005

Perturbed and Bothered

I am an aimless gondolier. I traverse the mucky waters of the canals of Venice with foreboding...

 

 

I have not written anything substantial in a while. The mood was just not right and my creative juices are not flowing. I write a paragraph or two a day on a story I have been working on for a while but when I go back to read what I have written, I have this overwhelming sense of malcontent that I just want to delete everything and start all over again.

 

I have written a couple of poems about things that concern me lately but somehow I am not happy with the outcome. It is true that I often revisit my writings and revise them a few times before I deem them “good enough” but lately I am suddenly filled with a perfectionist attitude. When I write a poem, I worry about the iambic pentameter. When I write a story, I envision my English college professor with a red marking pen, scolding me about my run on sentences and dangling participles. I recently dug my Little Brown Book, a didactic tome about written English, seeking resolution of my recent unhappiness.  I thought reading chapters of it would infuse me with some writing confidence and get me back on track. No, it did not. On the contrary, I used it to nitpick everything I have written.

 

I used to be so unconcerned about established rules and regulations. I have expressed myself in writing without regards to its conventions. Why am I suddenly bothered that my writing does not measure up to what the English language experts deem appropriate?  Is it because reading the brilliant writings and well executed passages in other journals made me feel inadequate?  Is it that old age finally caught up on me and my brain is trying to reform me of my rebellious writing ways? 

 

This is not me (should I write, “This is not I” because then it would be grammatically right?). I do not want to be reformed. I want to write the way I want to. I want to be able to say once again that I write for my own enjoyment so it does not really matter how I do it. I hate being insecure and whiny. I know this too shall pass, but I want it to pass RIGHT NOW.

 

18 comments:

grofsand said...

allow me to suggest any of Julia Camerons' books.....but her "Right To Write" is about the best "motivational book for writers" on the market.

If you have not heard of her, you will be glad you now have!

Spirit Up!    Marc :)

sdoscher458 said...

Just write for the pure enjoyment of it.  If you make it a task it will become a chore, burdensome and heavy.  I worry about spelling and context but grammer? Join the new school...we write as we speak...in real terms...LOL...Sandi http://journals.aol.com/sdoscher458/LifeIsFullOfSurprises

alphawoman1 said...

Ahhh....I go through that too sometimes.  Other times, I just have nothing to write about. Woe is me.

tendernoggle said...

Just write as you would tell it out loud! I love oyur journal either way! lol
Carlene

bosoxblue6993w said...

'english language experts'?    the only 'expert' that matters is YOU.

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO TELL YOU THIS ... BUT THAT PHOTO AT THE TOP OF YOUR ENTRY? ... ER ... THE STREETS ARE ALL FLOODED.

ryanagi said...

I know where you are coming from. The well has been dry for me too, lately. Not sure what is going on. Too much routine and not enough stimuli, I guess.

deabvt said...

Hey, you just made a Great start!
V

yakima127 said...

I think there is a creativity drought, or something!  I am hearing this all over J-land!  I like whatever you write, here!  But, I know how you feel!  JAE

ally123130585918 said...

I just loved reading your Journal and being English I thought it was great - we all write to please ourselves = it's just great if someone else enjoys it.   But you must be yourself otherwise it really is not your Journal, just someone trying to be you.  (It certainly looks like a lot of rain fell on the streets when you took that picture) Regards Ally

justaname4me2 said...

Oh darlin, just write and post. Muddle with one revision and hit that save button. If it's one thing I've learned about writing, it's that keep it honest and straight. If I started editing and such, I'd drive myself to madness and never make it past the first sentence :o) We'll be waiting for your wonderful honest entries!
Rebecca

southernmush said...

Good evening....I happen to enjoy your journal. I wish I was sliding down the waters of the canals of Venice. I would love to be on a gondola at night when the moon is full and the sky is filled with stars.

chatzeekay said...

A writer write the way they wish there is no wrong and if there is so what its acceptable. for sure, love the pic

klconard1 said...

Hello dear, I found my way here when I got a journal comment alert and your BLOG addy was there.  I've been enjoying browsing through and particularly like this entry.  I could identify with it myself lol!
How many times have I written or said -- 'It's me!' and known I should use 'I'ts I' --- but feel 'it's I', though correct, sounds so stilted lol?
Oh my I still have my Little Brown too lol!  I keep it right there in my desk drawer where I do so much of my writing lol!
I have concluded that perhaps expressing yourself so that your reader grasps what you are trying to say and what you feel are the most important goals of writing.
loving you
karyl
http://journals.aol.com/dcmeyer420/DearDiary/"

jouell3935 said...

Oh I can relate...my muse will wander away from me or hit me while I stand in line at the grocery store or in the middle of a meeting. When it does hit, sometimes, it hits full force and there just isnt the time to put it all down...It will pass. I try to look at it as a way for the brain to process all the wonderful writing just itching to be concrete on paper...the more you push the more it pulls away...
Yet, I still found this entry interesting though...and you wrote it...so you can not be all blank *wink*
Jodi

judithheartsong said...

this is growth.............. hang in there. I love the way you write... just speak from your heart. judi

st0rmwhispers said...

Aw Hun...you are a great writer...blow the conventions.  Write the rough out the way it feels good to you then run it through grammar check, edit and run again.  Easy Breezy.  If you don't write we will all throw tantrums!

Love the picture....it looks so serene

belfastcowboy75 said...

Naw...you don't need to worry about all that crap. You have a clear, natural style. When you hit it big, you can hire a proofreader to worry about minutia.

Just write, Baby.

my78novata said...

peaceful pic l iove it